Father's Day

Once again, another holiday which is supposed to make us fondly remember the impact of a relative is upon us: Father's Day.

This is a good day. We remember times when our fathers taught us to tie our shoes, taught us to drive, taught us how to pretend to listen to our wives while still secretly taking in every moment of the game (Whoops! Did I say that out loud? OUCH! Shannon just hit me in the arm!).

TV tends to treat the American Father as an oaf, someone who stumbles along life and every now and then "gets it right." His kids rarely respect him, and his wife merely tolerates him. While this does make for some entertaining moments (Homer Simpson is a personal favorite of mine), it does not do most dads justice.

Most dads I know are hard working men who do what it takes on a daily basis to put food on the table and keep his kids happy. My college fraternity brothers, with whom I spent many a late night with while we, shall we say, "painted the town red," have turned into some of the most incredible dads I've know. (Side Note: In an ironic twist of fate, all of those guys have had daughters...a funny bit of "revenge"). My own dad, who had his shares of parenting mishaps, still holds a huge place in my heart. He taught me many of the values I hold onto today.

Lets all try to remember the great times with dad. There may have been down times, but today, just today, lets pretend they never happened.

So...here's to all the dads on their special day. Most of us would not be where we are without them (which goes without saying!).

Louisville Top Ten

In the nine months since my wife and I have lived here (nine months already...wow!), when people find out we moved here from Vegas, the response more times than not is "Why did you move here?" Well, I just want to let all of those people that live here to know just what is so cool about Louisville. So, ala Letterman, here is my Top Ten Reasons Louisville Is A Good Place to Live.

10. It only rains every other day.
9. Rolled Oysters. (What the...?)
8. Contrary to popular belief outside the state, there are plenty of dentists in Kentucky.
7. Tax money not wasted on pesky things like road repair.
6. Mosquitoes are big enough to put a leash on and keep as cheap pets.
5. City motto changing from "Do Something Original" to "Where Else You Gonna Go...Indiana?!?"
4. Summer breeze plus Ohio River equals fun for the nose!
3. By day, Mayor Abramson runs city, by night he fights crime in a bird costume as Captain Cardinal.
2. Louisville banks no longer bury your money in their backyard...now use shoeboxes in dresser drawers.

And the number one reason that Louisville Is A Good Place to Live is...

1. The questions "Is It Hot Enough For You," and Is It Cold Enough For You," never get old!

Louisville Immigration Policy

The #1, huge topic in the nation right now is the debate on immigration. It is dividing political parties, families, and in some way, the nation. Every politician has their own opinion on how to fix the problem of millions of illegal aliens crossing the border: more border patrol, a 700 mile fence, stricter laws. They all have decent ideas, but none have the perfect solution. I have to inform all of you, and all of the D.C. politicians right now that I, Chris Whigham, have found the solution which will keep the influx of illegals from streaming into our nation: Simply move the
I-65 bridge from Louisville to the Rio Grande.

Seriously. Earlier today, at 2pm (which, I will add is not a rush hour in the traditional sense), it took me 45 minutes to drive over that bridge! And to make it worse, it was one of those jams where, when you finally got to "ground zero", there was absolutely no reason for the jam! For my readers who do not live here in "Kentuckiana", this bridge (named the JFK...very original), is about 1/4 mile long.

And this was all made worse but the unfortunate fact that I had just come from a Mexican lunch...both ironic and painful (if you know what I mean). As tears were coming to my eyes, and the 109 mile per hour traffic kept whipping by me in the left lane preventing me from switching over, I realized I was trapped in some type of twilight zone scenario. One which an illegal alien couldn't even escape.

So, look, in the near future, for my new website: www.movethestupidbridgetomexico.com.

Everyone has to have a cause. This might as well be mine.

Man Flicks

Gotta tell ya...I love a good action flick. I'm not talkin about a drama with a car chase. I'm talkin' about an old fashioned, knock down-drag out, car-flipping, guns blazing, chicks screaming, terrorists plotting, evil doing, good guy triumphing, blood pumping, adrenaline flowing, huge explosions happenin' man-flick. That's what I'm talking about.

Chick flicks are fine. But they have a time and a place. Dates, for instance. And...well, that's about it. But a man-flick...that's good for any occasion.

And what makes a good man-flick? In my humble opinion, it must have these 3 ingredients:

1) There must be a man who has been wronged, and will stop at nothing to correct it.
2) There must be an explosion or gunshot every 5 minutes
3) There must be a reasonable fear that if you go to the restroom, you will miss something big.

These are optional elements:

1) A love interest (but she must have limited lines) (Shannons gonna punch me)
2) Car Chase (these can be cool, but after so many chases over the years, is there a "fresh" one?
3) A dog. ( I like a hero that has a cool dog)

These are never good elements for a great action flick:

1) A love interest that talks too much (Shannon's gonna punch me...hard)
2) Main characters played by ex-NFL players (almost always a bad move)
3) German bad guys (way overdone. Besides, they've had enough of a bad rap already)

Those are my rules. Simple. Complete.

So, I suggest you take the one you love, kiss her gently, put her in the car, and drive her to the movie theater to see a bunch of bad guys get blowed up really good!

Midnight...The Night Before "Gameday"

It's Midnight on Saturday, and as usual, insomnia has taken roots in my evening. Maybe it's all of the important stuff that is crammed into my mind: Pay rent tomorrow. Did I use the NLT on Jameys verses, or accidentally slip in a bizarre new version of the Bible, such as the NLKJSGFSV? Can I be cool and relevant at the same time as I flash the slides on the screen during Jamey's message? Will Ross like this Blog?

The real shame is my wife fell asleep 7.3 seconds after her head hit the pillow. How does she do it?

Well, I paused the Tivo during Schwarzenneger's "Eraser" to write this. so lets get going.

Tomorrow marks the first message in the 5-part "Heroes" series, and I am thinking about the Heroes in my life. Can I have more than one? The dictionary defines "hero" as:" a man of distinguished courage or ability, admired for his brave deeds and noble qualities. " Who in my life falls into that definition? Let me list some possibilities:

Jamey, for leading Lifepointe. My Dad, for taking my crap for 18 years before kicking me out. My wife, for taking my crap for 11 years without kicking me out. Ross, for having the courage to wear shorts in public. All the guys I know who do what it takes to support their families (a serious one). President W., for stickin' to his guns. Captain James T. Kirk, for making the galaxy safe for humanity. And Jerry, my dog, who lets all kinds of strangers pet him on our walks when I know he'd much rather be inside eating a Milkbone and takin' a nap.

As you can see, I have many potential heroes. But, as I close, I know in my heart that there is only one true hero in my life. One man who through decades of good times and bad times was always there for his fans, his loved ones. He never gave up, and was always there for me.

Ronald McDonald. Thanks for the good times.

Somethin' New, Somethin' Borrowed, Somethin' Blue...

Not really. But, notice some of the new additions to this already near-perfect blog: e-Bible, a weekly poll, and other cool links. I am either an incredible innovator, or just incredibly bored.

Enjoy!

Politics and Religion

You know the old saying...the two topics you can't talk about in a crowd are religion and politics. Well, today, I want to put an end to that. And I'm proud to say that BLOGGER.COM, the company that hosts this blog, this piece of outstanding American journalism, has the courage to let me speak my religious and political mind. And, I feel that PC America can handle it.

Ready? Here we go!

First, I want to say, I love ***. I try to let *** in every area of my life. In fact, I don't think I could get thru the day if I didn't have *** to lean on. I like to start the day by reading the *****, and then I like to pray to ***. And I feel especially close to *** on sundays at ******. Wow, that felt good!

Now, secondly, I believe the candidate i'm going to vote for in the presidential election is ****. **** is the only one, I believe, that can continue the *** on ******. Also, he will keep the ******* ******** from crossing the border. He is strong, knows where he is going, and will not sell out to special interest groups. **** is definitely my man!

Wow! That was liberating! I'm glad that in this age of political correctness I was able to speak my religious and political mind. Thanks, America! And thanks Blogger.com for not censoring me! We've come a long way, baby!